we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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