So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
