but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
