so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
