I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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