It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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