Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
