the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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