I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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