I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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