How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
