dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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