we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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