Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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