Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
