I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
