Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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