He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
