matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
