The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I puked a lego.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
