2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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