Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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