Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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