getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
