During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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