Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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