No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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