ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
