he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
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I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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