It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There r osticjed everywhere
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
