Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize