You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
