Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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