didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
