I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
