my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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