Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
