lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
