Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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