my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
