i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize