I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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