I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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