I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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