You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
