we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
