I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
