He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
