my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
