i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
