I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
