just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
