i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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