Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
