He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
