so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
