party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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