erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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