he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
