oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
