either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize