But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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