well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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