I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
