Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
