I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
