Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
