I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
